Having waited long enough for some clever address to come to mind, it’s time to share with those who visit this space the news we have recently confirmed, without afore mentioned address. We’re having a baby, again. It’s number 3 and this mighty announcement is the explanation for my absence and brevity. We are excited and nervous about bringing a third to the mix as our place is small (and off the market for now), but the thrill of meeting and getting to know yet another individual outweighs even the worst fears. On top of which, there is faith that all will be as it is meant to, a thought we’re deliberately trying to maintain.
For some of the ladies I know pregnancy and child-carrying is a beautiful experience that makes them radiant and empowered. I am not that kind of lady. I am a miserable pregnant person. For me, the curse promised Eve on account of her sin, the pain of childbirth, bares more true before the delivery. Not that labor isn’t painful, but that kind of pain is more my style; I’ve always been more of a sprinter than a marathoner…But, amid a myriad of your standard first trimester ailments I’m dealing with a lesser known & more repulsive. Thank God for the internet at large in which I can locate other wierdos like myself–this offers some comfort, the thought of others suffering, too. I won’t go into details, but it is not attractive.
Having spent a lot of time on the couch in the past 6 weeks I can officially tell you the guilt of failing at my previously acquired jobs of wife and mother is growing. There are moments in which I muster the gumption to allow distraction, but overall the comfort of simply laying down generally surpasses any other. I’ve had a bout with dehydration, spent a week with my mother so as to alleviate Drew’s responsibilities, and hovered over the sink as a matter of ritual. The thrill of procreation is difficult to remember and the most recent comfort was having heard the baby’s heartbeat over the weekend. As it feels as though death has warmed over, sometimes the thought that the causes of my misery were more grim than fantastic. But, I have a tendency toward the dramatic.
There is a lot of support out there for women in my state–particularly from other moms who know the feeling. Again, I thank God for blessing me with the ability to carry children and for the encouragement of the women who surround me. Not to mention a husband who is willing to pick up the slack and figure out dinner for nearly 2 months straight.
In closing this window to my pain I want to point out some things I’ve failed to mention.
1. Leviah is now 2, as of October 29th. She’s amazing, crazy, silly, passionate and stubborn. She talks, whether we understand her or not, and she has had far more sugar than her older sister ever had at this age.
2. We are planning our second homebirth with our friend and midwife.
3. We have taken our home off the market, which seems like a joke. But, if you know someone who really wants it we’d be willing to talk 😉
4. We have turned over the Que Sera, Que Sera leaf. We have decided to keep dreaming, but to stop pushing so hard. We will go in the direction of our dreams, but we will relax and take heed.