Difficulties

i’ve been looking through old photos-they help me reconnect.
I love Naomi with all my heart–obviously. I’m sharing here what is difficult to admit–that we struggle. Our days are not filled with moving from one task to the next in a way that is calm and beautiful. Often the activities I look most forward to are the ones the break my heart a little, the ones I think she’ll be eager to accomplish and I’m surprised to get convulsions. A leg kick, a body twitch–the movements of someone who may be better suited to straight jackets than homeschool. She knows these movements drive me out of my mind, and on some occasions I come with an open heart and preparedness to use calm tones and gentle reason to snap her out of it–not on all occasions. Sometimes, and maybe it’s the short-temperedness of pregnancy (golly, I hope this is part of it), but sometimes I don’t deal well at all.

 Granted, we do manage to get some ‘work’ done most days, but generally I’ve been putting it off more and more. We read a lot of books, I’ll give her some workbook assignments, but she does NOT want to follow my instruction with regards to just about anything.

So, I’ve been reading around on the ‘6 year change’ and so far I am hugely relieved. I mean, the girl has only 1 front tooth landing her right in the middle of some really big physical and emotional changes. I could cry just thinking about how little I feel I know about her right now, how I don’t know what to expect or even how to recognize her old self underneath it all. There are moments she gleams through with the glorious person I know she’ll get to, but these past few months have been such a challenge.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’m so thankful for having found the Waldorf community. Although we’re not the strictest waldorfians, not understanding this change would probably give me a great reason to give up on our homeschooling dream right now. Not having resources like groups, other bloggers with similar struggles, and books brimming with insight I might just throw in the towel right about now. 
Still a few days in the giveaway!

4 Comments

  • Kallie Posted February 11, 2011 2:27 am

    I happen to be very familiar with your struggle! The whole family is experiencing change- with you being pregnant, Naomi leaving early childhood and Leviah leaving toddlerhood and becoming a "bigger girl"! I think a lot of your reaction to what is happening and your feelings surrounding it probably have a lot to do with the pregnancy- those extra hormones can make everything much more overwhelming. On days when I feel like throwing in the towel, I scratch "homeschool" for the day and I try to find joy in just spending time with the kids, really listening to them, getting down on the floor to play with them, trying to laugh with them, and refocusing my heart to the eternal things that matter most…the things that you can't learn in a book.

  • school house oils Posted February 11, 2011 3:41 am

    thanks Kallie. You're right on. I need to be willing to do this more often. Sometimes it's difficult because I can feel Naomi's desire to learn, it's just she can't even communicate effectively right now! & I'm feeling very ill-equipped at being the patient figure she needs on account of my state…I just need to be more diligent about praying for this patience.

  • Annette Posted February 11, 2011 2:36 pm

    I needed to read this today. We are having these difficulties too. Which I don't deal well with most of the time, in turn makes the situation worse. I feel I need to step out of that teaching role and back to mommy at those points to help us through but that seems to be difficult at times. Thanks again for sharing, it is good to know you are not alone.

  • Dawn Lange Posted February 15, 2011 12:19 pm

    Lacey… you're pregnant?!?!!? How did I miss that? Congratulations!!!
    Sorry you are having a rough time. I have experienced that with Esme' and Asher at various times, but I do remember it being extra difficult when pregnant. The Waldorf books have helped me immensely also. We do need to live closer.

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